Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Armor of God

Although, the battles are never mine, they're God's, I've learned that I have to prepare myself for these battles by taking certain steps. Now, I haven't always followed these steps, but I do intend to. And I intend on teaching my daughter the same ways. The following Bible passage has always helped me in times that I feel down, helpless or in need of guidance:

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation for the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the work of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints - and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly as I ought to speak. Ephesians 6: 13-20

Thursday, March 25, 2010

She's Missing

Found this old poem i wrote about a year after I moved to Utah... needed something to post today but didn't have the time to type much. So when all else fails, copy + paste! Here goes...

She was independent and strong,
Real, and Inspiring.
She was Optimistic and Outspoken,
Free, and Open Minded.

She was here.
Now, she's gone
What did she do to make her surrender, then disappear?

Although shes's gone I can still feel her here... she's dying,
which brings me to tears.... I can't stop crying.
She's now a lost soul,
Like they used to say, when she was more vocal and set in her ways.

At times I feel her presence watching over me.
Hoping for me to escape, so that I can be free.
Free of this depression
Free of this obsession that I have with her,
So that I can be me, and she can be her.

She hurts to see me this way,
As she watches me desperately think of her day after day.
I had no prediction that I would feel such agony.
Wanting so bad to escape from this prison I built myself.
Full of sadness, desperation and hate.

I hear her tell me there's a solution,
That this is just part of my evolution.
That peace will come,
And one day I'll feel just at home.

Inspiring...
Exciting... are those words to my ears
But just like that,
I don't know who she is because we can no longer intertwine

Because....
Because she's missing.
I'm missing.....
Who is she? Who is she?
I'm not her, but she....
she was me.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Ask and You Shall Receive...

Apparently my previous blog has caused stir in some people's lives so this blog serves a few purposes.

Firstly, I would like to apologize to the people that I have met at Iglesia de Dios: Un Nuevo Amanecer con Cristo that have been loyal to God and have shown God's love and mercy upon me. There has been more love shown by many members of this church and more good memories than the bad ones that I have mentioned. These good and loving people have given me hope that there are people that can be loved and that truly accept others for who they are. Not necessarily like the things they do, but accept them without judging. By no means was I trying to put them all into the category of negative things that I have seen there. To clarify, I was just sharing my thoughts about the experiences that I had been through during a specific time frame. I was sharing my view of what I had seen and experienced and how it had affected me.

Secondly, I would like to apologize to those who have misunderstood my intentions and have been offended by my post. It would be ignorant for me to say that my views and opinions are right. Because I have been misunderstood on several occasions, it is highly possible that I myself have misunderstood the actions of the people that I spoke of in my previous blog. So, if i have done so, I apologize. Whether you love me or not, I am asking for your forgiveness.

If I haven't made it clear enough, I would like to reiterate that the purpose of this post is to apologize to those that have been loyal to God, that love me unconditionally, those who don't love me, and have been offended by my previous post, or anything that I have ever done or said, I am sorry.

From writing these posts I have learned that I can misunderstand others just as they misunderstand me. I have also learned that some people cannot handle what I or others say. Therefore, if there is a chance that what I would like to talk about can be offensive to others, I will either keep it to myself or speak to those who really know me and would know my intentions. If you want my opinion, just ask. I will give it to you.

Part of growing into the bigger and better person that I want to be is to humble myself and ask for forgiveness. I have done so. If it's not received from those I asked, it's okay; regardless, I know that my God will forgive me because he knows my heart like no one else does.

I'm glad, though, that I have done the things that I've done, whether they are right or wrong. Because without these actions, I wouldn't have anything to learn from. I've acted, I've corrected, and now I'm moving on.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Practice What YOU Preach

I was not able to sleep so what better way to help me go to sleep than blog about what's on my mind.

This is something that has been on my mind for years, beginning in 1999 since I moved to Lawton, Oklahoma and started attending Iglesia de Dios: Un Nuevo Amanecer con Cristo. It's a Spanish church in case you haven't figured it out.

For those of you who do not know, I was raised in the church by my parents since, well forever. Growing up, I always knew that having brothers and sisters in Christ meant that I would ALWAYS receive unconditional love from every one of them... that is until friggin Lawton USA burst my happy Christian bubble.

I will never understand why people that are supposed to be "right with God" are so hypocritical and rude when they spread the Word of God to others. I see this on facebook ALL THE TIME!!! I don't know where you get off thinking that spreading the Word of God means riding on your high horse and speaking with a great deal of sarcasm. Guess what buddy.... WRONG! First of all, ANYONE can take a verse out of the bible and type it in their status. It's really not that hard. I mean, you don't even have to be a true Christian to pull that one off. And in case you forgot, God is forgiveness. And true, God is to be feared. But above all things, God is love. It is not up to us to judge others as we are ALL his children. No matter what condition our relationship is in with Him.

I'm always the first to admit that my relationship with God isn't how it should be. For years, I have been walking on a rocky road on my way to God. But one thing I do know is that God has been walking with me EVERY step of the way. I am a firm believer in the idea that God does not allow you more than what you can handle AND that everything that happens in my life is part of what God's plan is for me. Including this rocky road I am on and the tests that he gives me that I utterly fail. I believe that these certain experiences that I go through, that you and other Christians look down upon, occur so that I will have more to testify about later. By no means am I justifying my actions; solely stating my beliefs.

I won't lie. Because of all of the judging by envious girls and adults that was cast upon me in going to Iglesia de Dios: Un Nuevo Amenecer con Cristo from 1999-2002, I have strayed away from God. (I'm sure I got judged for longer than that period of time... I just stopped caring.) I even began to doubt Him because I just could not understand how people could be so cruel. I humbled myself countless amount of times by asking these girls for forgiveness for things that I hadn't done. Because as a Christian you are supposed to "turn the other cheek." But they kept slapping my cheeks and scratching at them until they became raw. It got ugly... I mean it got REAL UGLY. And they say that God don't like ugly, but you wouldn't know it by going to this church. From the dirty looks from these chicks and their relatives I received and the slander they spoke against me to several acts of adultery (some that I was witness to) to false prophecy; it was all bad.
Sadly, I feel more love and loyalty from my friends outside of the church than those that I've made in the church.


These things
spoiled my view of what living life as a devout Christian was and made me wonder if it was even worth it. I thought, "Is God real? Is there really a light at the end of the tunnel? Will all this work and the sacrifices I need to make to get to a place called heaven worth it if heaven doesn't exist? Does heaven exist? Can I trust any of these people? Are ANY of them genuine?" I do believe that all of these things are. I also believe that some, most of these people, can NOT be trusted. My trust is to be put in God. Trust no man, or woman for that matter!


As I said before, all the things that occur in my life and that I have seen, have happened for a reason. All of these things have made me become the person I am today. I am stronger. I am wiser. I am God-fearing and not people-fearing. I am outspoken, observant, clumsy with words, loyal, loud, loving to those who truly accept me, and honest with all of the people in my life that I have respect for. Even if it hurts for me to be, I am honest. Back then I was, believe it or not, shy, blindly loving, careful, humble, introverted, quiet, and scared. Let me tell you, my life at this church was boot camp preparing me for what life would be like for real, even though my life at that church sucked 100 times more than it ever has.

I've learned that some people change. I've also learned that some people, particularly hypocrites and self-righteous people, don't. One thing I always have been is God-fearing. One thing I have not been is a hypocrite. I NEVER stood up at God's Holy altar, to preach, sing, praise Him or testify when I knew I wasn't doing right. I would not DARE stain his altar with my sin. But there are so many that do it day in and day out without even blinking. It's so easy for them to put on this front like they're angels, but they're not. You obviously don't fear or respect God because if you did, you wouldn't dare do it. I've also learned that it's not about attending church, but about my understanding of God, the wisdom I gain through his word, and my personal relationship with Him. I know I curse, I know I drink, I'm not as humble as I should be, and yes, I am a sinner. But God loves me. He may not love the things that I do, but He loves ME. And I may not be working on my relationship with God like you would like me to, but it's not up to you. I'm working on it at my own pace.

I'm writing about this because I do believe in God and that He will return and that someday the rapture will occur. I know that some people intend to spread the word of God, but from the target that's supposed to be receiving your words, know that speaking with much snottiness and sarcasm is not going to bring people to the light. It's going to encourage them to turn away from it.

I've got a cure for those of you that are so full of yourselves while you're spreading God's word. You want to start by getting off of your high horse, proceeding to pull the bible out of your butt, and taking a couple shots of humility with a side of love. Then you can speak of God and His word with pride.

* This is not to discredit my many facebook friends who do spread the word of God in a loving and genuine manner. You know who you are and you should be proud of yourselves. I know I am proud of you. I would like to thank you for truly caring and being genuine.

** If you're offended by this post, then there's a 99.9999999% chance that you're the hypocrite I'm talking about.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm Sorry Rihanna... but, no.


I love Ri Ri... big fan! But I'm just wondering who the hell told her that she's "Gangsta?" I mean, last time I checked if you "gangsta" you don't leave a fight with a nigga lookin like you got ran over by a tractor! Now, don't get me wrong, I totally disagree with Chris Brown whoopin her ass... no man should ever put his hands on a woman! But if you the woman who gets beat, you don't come out of that talkin bout you "gangsta." I mean, does she call herself initiated into a gang b/c she got her ass whooped??? Is that what it takes? Being publicly embarrassed worldwide? I think not. Now her image is totally different than the Rhianna we used to know. Which is okay I guess because artists are supposed to grow and emerge into something different. But emerging into this "I'm so hard" and "Gangsta 4 Life" image just because you got beat.... hmmmm i don't think so.

And Chris Brown, what the hell are you wearing in your "Transform Ya" video??? Put a shirt on damn it! Your 'fit is not the business!!!

Anyways, here are the lyrics to Rhianna's "G4L."

I lick the gun when I'm done cause I know that revenge is sweet, so sweet
This is a gang ladies bang baby bang tell me what you need, oh
Any motherfucka wanna disrespect
Playin' with fire finna get you wet
How that feel down there on your knees, huh

I got these girls like a solider
Trip and it's goin' down down down

I'm ready to roll
Girl I'm with you
If they get you they get me
So come on let's go
Bitch I'm with you if you if if you with me

You know I'm down
I'm down for life
Loaded, reloaded and let's go
Gangsta for life
Till the day that I die yeah
I promise I'll stand and fight
Cause you know that I'm down, you know I'm down
Gangsta for life

We drivin' by with them headlights off
We know where you stay
Know what you did
We don't play that shit nigga, we don't play no

Everybody quiet when you did your dirt
Acting like a bitch finna get you hurt
Breakin' liars down to the knees, oh

I got these girls like a solider
Trip and it's goin' down down down

I'm ready to roll
Girl I'm with you
If they get you they get me
So come on let's go
Bitch I'm with you if you if if you with me

You know I'm down
I'm down for life
Loaded, reloaded and let's go
Gangsta for life
Till the day that I die yeah
I promise I'll stand and fight
Cause you know that I'm down, you know I'm down
Gangsta for life

Guns, check
Girls, check
Hell naw we ain't done yet
Got a lot to handle
We ain't took over the world yet

We're a army
Better yet a navy
Better yet crazy
Guns in the air
Guns in the air
Guns in the air
Can't hurt us again when you come around here
We got our guns, got our guns
We got our guns, got our guns
We got our guns in the motherfuckin' air, oh

I'm down for life
Gangsta for life
I'm down for life
Gangsta for life

You know I'm down
I'm down for life
Loaded, reloaded and let's go
Gangsta for life
Till the day that I die yeah
I promise I'll stand and fight
Cause you know that I'm down, you know I'm down
Gangsta for life

I lick the gun when I'm done cause I know that revenge is sweet

Monday, January 11, 2010

Anything you can do i can do better... not!!!

I love England! I do I do I do... however, I have a few pet peeves about life in good ole Great Britain. I will share all of these with you over time.

Personally, If I choose to do something someone else has already done, I'm gonna do it better. I mean that's just common sense, right!?! Sadly, a few of these British artists have tried to do music, American style, and have epically failed. Sure they have some artists that are great, and will be honorably mentioned in future blogs, but good lawd, why must these other artists bring the good ones down???Check these out and you'll see what I mean:

JLS - Umbrella originally by Rhianna


Joey McElderry- The Climb, originally by Miley Cyrus (Can't stand her! She drives me crazy! But at least the girl knows what she's doin!!!)


X Factor Finalists (basically the British version of American Idol) You Are Not Alone, originally by Michael Jackson (R.I.P)




Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you.... NO YOU CAN'T NO YOU CAN'T!!!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Lay It On the Table

Those of you who know me, know that I have absolutely no idea how to put a filter on my mouth. I tend to say exactly what is on my mind without sugar-coating what I say. The way I see it is if what I'm saying isn't sweet, then why sugar coat it?

Over the years, I have still not learned how to filter what I think or what I want to say, but I have learned how to push the stop button in my brain that sends the message to my tongue to speak the truth. I personally have not suffered any consequences to my actions of my bluntness, but others would consider the aftermath of my "Rican Speakin" negative. There have been times when I have made people cry or caused arguements between others; I used to not care. I used to think, if you can't handle the truth, then stop doing stupid things that provoke me to wake yo ass up and make you smell the roses! I am well aware that I was ignorant... still ignorant, but I have come to understand that although I may not be affected by i say, others can be affected negatively.

Some of my friends love me because they know that I will ALWAYS ALWAYS tell the truth and give my true opinion. Some of my friends avoid me because they simply cannot handle the truth or are afraid of the truth. Because of this, I have learned to open my mouth only when asked...

The inspiration of this blog is a situation that I have been dealing with for years. I have been fighting the overwhelming urge to warn one of my friends about somebody and tell them every reason why they should stay away from this person, but I know, oh how I know, that all hell will break loose if I dare say a thing... All I know is that I have come a long way, because Julia three years ago, would have said it all and not gave a damn.

New to the Blog Game

Thanks to the good ol U.S. Air Force, I am across the world in England, away from all my family and most of my friends. Due to this huge change in my life, I have been inspired to start a blog, both from a couple of my friends here who have blogs and due to the simple fact that I am a home all day with an infant who's only communication with me involves facial expressions, crying and baby talk. I figure this will be a nice way for me to communicate with other adults other than my husband, get these thoughts out of my brain that only seem to appear when I go to bed at night, and keep my friends and family updated on my new life here in the United Kingdom.

I am new to this whole blog thing, but from what i hear (and read) you can pretty much write about anything... so that is exactly what I'll be doing. Be expecting to hear lots about my life as a mommy, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and an blunt person. Yes I am one of those people, who is loud, and bluntly tells the truth. You know that one person who tells exactly how they feel and forgets to filter what they say for the sake of saving someone else heartache... well yeah, I'm that person. Most Puerto Ricans are; hence, the name of my blog "Rican Speakin." I have tons on my mind now, but I don't want to overdo my first blog entry. Until next time my friends... until next time.