I was not able to sleep so what better way to help me go to sleep than blog about what's on my mind.
This is something that has been on my mind for years, beginning in 1999 since I moved to Lawton, Oklahoma and started attending Iglesia de Dios: Un Nuevo Amanecer con Cristo. It's a Spanish church in case you haven't figured it out.
For those of you who do not know, I was raised in the church by my parents since, well forever. Growing up, I always knew that having brothers and sisters in Christ meant that I would ALWAYS receive unconditional love from every one of them... that is until friggin Lawton USA burst my happy Christian bubble.
I will never understand why people that are supposed to be "right with God" are so hypocritical and rude when they spread the Word of God to others. I see this on facebook ALL THE TIME!!! I don't know where you get off thinking that spreading the Word of God means riding on your high horse and speaking with a great deal of sarcasm. Guess what buddy.... WRONG! First of all, ANYONE can take a verse out of the bible and type it in their status. It's really not that hard. I mean, you don't even have to be a true Christian to pull that one off. And in case you forgot, God is forgiveness. And true, God is to be feared. But above all things, God is love. It is not up to us to judge others as we are ALL his children. No matter what condition our relationship is in with Him.
I'm always the first to admit that my relationship with God isn't how it should be. For years, I have been walking on a rocky road on my way to God. But one thing I do know is that God has been walking with me EVERY step of the way. I am a firm believer in the idea that God does not allow you more than what you can handle AND that everything that happens in my life is part of what God's plan is for me. Including this rocky road I am on and the tests that he gives me that I utterly fail. I believe that these certain experiences that I go through, that you and other Christians look down upon, occur so that I will have more to testify about later. By no means am I justifying my actions; solely stating my beliefs.
I won't lie. Because of all of the judging by envious girls and adults that was cast upon me in going to Iglesia de Dios: Un Nuevo Amenecer con Cristo from 1999-2002, I have strayed away from God. (I'm sure I got judged for longer than that period of time... I just stopped caring.) I even began to doubt Him because I just could not understand how people could be so cruel. I humbled myself countless amount of times by asking these girls for forgiveness for things that I hadn't done. Because as a Christian you are supposed to "turn the other cheek." But they kept slapping my cheeks and scratching at them until they became raw. It got ugly... I mean it got REAL UGLY. And they say that God don't like ugly, but you wouldn't know it by going to this church. From the dirty looks from these chicks and their relatives I received and the slander they spoke against me to several acts of adultery (some that I was witness to) to false prophecy; it was all bad. Sadly, I feel more love and loyalty from my friends outside of the church than those that I've made in the church.
These things spoiled my view of what living life as a devout Christian was and made me wonder if it was even worth it. I thought, "Is God real? Is there really a light at the end of the tunnel? Will all this work and the sacrifices I need to make to get to a place called heaven worth it if heaven doesn't exist? Does heaven exist? Can I trust any of these people? Are ANY of them genuine?" I do believe that all of these things are. I also believe that some, most of these people, can NOT be trusted. My trust is to be put in God. Trust no man, or woman for that matter!
As I said before, all the things that occur in my life and that I have seen, have happened for a reason. All of these things have made me become the person I am today. I am stronger. I am wiser. I am God-fearing and not people-fearing. I am outspoken, observant, clumsy with words, loyal, loud, loving to those who truly accept me, and honest with all of the people in my life that I have respect for. Even if it hurts for me to be, I am honest. Back then I was, believe it or not, shy, blindly loving, careful, humble, introverted, quiet, and scared. Let me tell you, my life at this church was boot camp preparing me for what life would be like for real, even though my life at that church sucked 100 times more than it ever has.
I've learned that some people change. I've also learned that some people, particularly hypocrites and self-righteous people, don't. One thing I always have been is God-fearing. One thing I have not been is a hypocrite. I NEVER stood up at God's Holy altar, to preach, sing, praise Him or testify when I knew I wasn't doing right. I would not DARE stain his altar with my sin. But there are so many that do it day in and day out without even blinking. It's so easy for them to put on this front like they're angels, but they're not. You obviously don't fear or respect God because if you did, you wouldn't dare do it. I've also learned that it's not about attending church, but about my understanding of God, the wisdom I gain through his word, and my personal relationship with Him. I know I curse, I know I drink, I'm not as humble as I should be, and yes, I am a sinner. But God loves me. He may not love the things that I do, but He loves ME. And I may not be working on my relationship with God like you would like me to, but it's not up to you. I'm working on it at my own pace.
I'm writing about this because I do believe in God and that He will return and that someday the rapture will occur. I know that some people intend to spread the word of God, but from the target that's supposed to be receiving your words, know that speaking with much snottiness and sarcasm is not going to bring people to the light. It's going to encourage them to turn away from it.
I've got a cure for those of you that are so full of yourselves while you're spreading God's word. You want to start by getting off of your high horse, proceeding to pull the bible out of your butt, and taking a couple shots of humility with a side of love. Then you can speak of God and His word with pride.
* This is not to discredit my many facebook friends who do spread the word of God in a loving and genuine manner. You know who you are and you should be proud of yourselves. I know I am proud of you. I would like to thank you for truly caring and being genuine.
** If you're offended by this post, then there's a 99.9999999% chance that you're the hypocrite I'm talking about.
leyendo tu parafo verdaderamente he sentido temor en el sentido de como una persona que profesa tener temor de dios y haberlo conocido pueda hablar con tanto odio y hostilidad hacia el pueblo de dios y en especifico destruir la imagen de lo que cristo profesa y por lo que dios murio no solo por ti sino por toda la humanidad . me sorprende el hecho de que hables de hipocritas y de todas estas personas que te han hecho tanto mal . cuando tu estas destruyendo no solo la imagen de la iglesia a la cual asististe en ok donde hay siervos que son genuinos con dios. Creo que desconoces lo que es el temor de dios porque si le temieras no hablarias de la forma en que lo haces. La palabra de dios dice que amemos el projimo como a ti mismo y si es asi como te amas estas bien lejos de lo que es la naturaleza del amor de dios que es un amor sin condicion a cristo lo crucificaron i el dijo perdonalos porque no saben lo que hacen.QUIERO DECIRTE QUE LAMENTO QUE TE SIENTAS DE ESA FORMA TAN HERIDA ES CIERTO QUE EL NO TE DA MAS DE LO PUEDAS SOPORTAR.PERO AMAR A DIOS TEMERLE Y CONOCERLE ES TENER UNA RELACION CON EL .si lo amaras como dices no hablaria como lo haces porque lo que hablas no solo , HIERE SINO QUE ENVENENA EL ALMA Y DESTRUYE LA POSIBILIDAD DE LA SALVACION DEL PERDIDO. se que sabes que de todas tus palabras EL SENOR te llamara a cuentas y mas cuando es en contra de su pueblo y su palabra.LA PALABRA DE DIOS DICE.... PERO YO OS DIGO QUE CUALQUIER QUE SE ENOJE CONTRA SU HERMANO , SERA CULPABLE DE JUICIO; Y CUALQUIERA QUE DIGA NECIO, A SU HERMANO, SERA CULPABLE ANTE EL CONCILIO; Y CUALQUIERA QUE LE DIGA FATUO, QUEDARA EXPUESTO AL INFIERNO DE FUEGO. MATEO 5;22.si te criaste en la iglesia entonces tienes que conocer la palabra que dice.... PORQUE SI PERDONAIAS A LOS HOMBRES SUS OFENSAS,OS PERDONARA TAMBIEN A VOSOTROS VUESTRO PADRE CELESTIAL;MAS SINO PERDONAIS A LOS HOMBRES SUS OFENSAS,TAMPOCO VUESTRO PADRE OS PERDONARA VUESTRAS OFENSAS MATEO 6;14-15.la palabra de dios que no pasara ni cambiara especialmante donde hay rencor y dolor. ASI QUE SI TU ENEMIGO TUVIERE HAMBRE,DALE DE COMER..... ROMANOS 12; 19-20. Mi intension es llamar a tu conciencia lo serio de lo que hablaste no contra tu hermano sino contra la iglesia y el mismo cristo. para que no caigas en condenacion esto solo hace dano sobre a aquellos que no conocen de dios y si tu no te arrepientes le daras cuentas. yo cumplo con lo que dios me ha dado para ti y espero que lo recibas para que seas sanada por el espiritu santo el te ama. dura cosa es caer en manos de un dios vivo. comprendo tu dolor y frustracion pero esta no es la manera de proceder y mucho menos tomar el nombre de una iglesia y su testimonio para desacreditarla creeme que estas metiendote con el ojo de dios.1 CORINTIOS 8;12. DE ESTA MANERA,PUES PECANDO CONTRA LOS HERMANOS E HIRIENDO SU DEBIL CONCIENCIA, CONTRA CRISTO PECAIS.no juzgues para que no seas juzgada. y cuando te cuenten algo recuerda que en cualquier historia hay dos versiones y tienes que oir ambas para que seas llamada justa antes de condernar a nadie.eso tambien desagrada a dios espero que recibas esta palabra creeme que viene de lo alto te amo y oro por ti dios te bendiga. yo no soy hipocrita yo amo a cristo.
ReplyDeletePrimeramente, gracias por su comentario y su opinión. Mis intenciones no fueron hablar con “odio y hostilidad hacia el pueblo de Dios.” Sino yo solamente estaba expresando mis pensamientos y mis sentimientos de las experiencias que pase en los años que atendía esta iglesia. Y a los hermanos y hermanas de la Iglesia de Dios: Un Nuevo Amanecer con Cristo que han sido genuino y amorosos y verdaderos, les pido el perdón por no mencionarlos en mi blog. Pero hay muchos que saben que yo los amo muchísimo y que les agradezco por su humildad. También hay algunos de ellos que yo he perdonado por lo que me han hecho, y les hablo muchísimo y amo un monton. Muy bien lo saben. No los tengo que mencionar por nombre. Yo nada mas quería hablar de lo que yo no entiendo y de lo que nunca voy a entender de las cosas que yo he visto en la iglesia. Para dejarte saber, yo si conozco de el temor de Dios y también conozco de la palabra de Dios. Yo mencione que cuando yo atendía la iglesia, yo no me atrevía meterme en el altar a estar predicando la palabra de Dios sabiendo yo que estaba mal con El. Ahora, yo se que todavía yo no estoy como yo debería estar con Dios, pero hablarlo es mas fácil que hacerlo. !Y NO HAY ESCUSAS! Yo lo sé. Por eso es que yo estoy trabajando con Él para que El me ayude en arreglar me vida. Veo que tú aceptaste partes de lo que escribe y otras partes ignoraste. Yo no estoy escribiendo estas palabras para tratar de atraer a la gente al camino de Dios, porque si lo hería yo sería una hipócrita. Estoy diciendo que yo misma, no puedo recibir esas palabras de parte de gente que son hipócritas y repugnantes. Y quizás hay mucha gente que son igual. Yo he tratado de amar a todos, pero yo soy real cuando digo que no puedo amar a los que les han hecho daño. Estoy batallando con eso, pero por lo menos lo reconozco y sé que necesito trabajar en eso. Por si a caso conoces a la gente que me ha hecho daño, seria espectacular si pudieras hablarle del verdadero amor de Dios. Y yo si tengo una relación con Dios. No es perfecta, pero estoy haciendo lo necesario para llegar a ese punto. Además de todo, como no me conoces, no sabes eso. Ni los que me conocen necesitan saberlo porque es MI RELACION PERSONAL con El. Yo era salva y estas situaciones me han herido y envenenaron mi alma. Yo sé que no voy a caer en condenación con lo que he hablado porque Dios conoce mi corazón y el sabe que hacerle daño a la Iglesia de Dios: Un Nuevo Amanecer con Cristo no fueron mis intenciones. Tampoco no he hablado contra Dios. Yo se que él es real, que él vive, que el existe, que el regresara. Por eso es que me tengo que arreglar. Y lo voy hacer yo sola. Para dejarte saber, aunque no lo necesitas saber, yo me arrepiento de todos mis pecados todos los días. Mucha gente cree que con ir a la iglesia cada vez que hay culto quiere decir que son santos, pero no es así. Se olvidan que TODOS somos pecadores. TODOS. Si puedes clarificar como yo estoy juzgando a la gente lo agradecería. Porque, yo no estoy juzgando a la gente. Al contrario, yo estoy diciendo lo que yo ha sentido en el pasado y lo que las acciones de algunas gentes que yo no entiendo. Las personas que crea que no hay dos versiones de una historia son estúpidas. Eso yo lo sé, y lo sé muy bien. Las personas que conocen quien yo soy saben que yo no creo todo lo que oigo. Yo quisiera ser una persona más amable y más humilde. So si usted quiere seguir ayudándome en el amor del Señor, me gustaría mucho. Gracias por amarme sin conocerme. Se lo agradezco mucho. Sigue orando por mí y que Dios te siga bendiciendo.
ReplyDeleteyou know what i definently agree with you! so much stuff happened in that church and yeah a lot of it was our own faults but the way some of those people handled it was inapproproiate and definently ungodly! I do beleive and hear still today those people are continuing to act the same way! a lot of what happened in that church is the reason i do not go to church either at this time and for that matter question if god exists. i know in my heart that he does but with so much of what i have seen and heard i tend to question it. So i am on your side and completely understand exactly where you are coming from and only those who were put in the situations we were put in at that church would understand, but those who stood on the side and judged would think what you are saying is wrong.
ReplyDeleteKo, thanks for commenting and yes you are right about those standing on the judgmental side would say I'm wrong because they don't like it or maybe it applies to them. A lot of people use the Bible and the fact that they go to church as a way to stab someone in the heart and belittle them for not living our lives the way they believe we should. instead of trying to bring awareness of God's word in a loving manner or guide us onto the right path towards God. However, I am not saying that this church is the only church that has these things occur in it. Nor am I saying that all of their members are that way. Not at all. I know many of them, including my own father and mother, and I know that most of them do speak to others of God without belittling them or threatening them. They speak with concern and act with love. Now I am not one to be preaching about how to be a Christian because I am not walking the walk. I'm not trying to stir something up or trying to get people on my side. I was just using this blog as a manner of expressing myself. I'm not trying to convince anyone that they should not go to church or serve God or that this church is evil. I can't convince anyone of things that I do not believe myself. However, I am free to speak on how I receive others words and how the past has affected me. Ko, with all the things that I have experienced, I know that there is a God. He has gotten me through a lot of tough patches. Even way after I stopped attending church. Personally, I need to get myself right, get closer to God and study the Bible a lot more before I start going to a church. I feel this way because I want to be strong enough to be able to fight the negativity that I may find in the church I attend, if it does come my way. I failed God epically by letting others get to me and chase me away from him. I should have been strong enough to not care what they said or did and ignore them. But I was tired, so I too was acting ungodly in retaliation of what i was experiencing. And then I threw in the towel and stopped going to church altogether. Please do not ever forget that God is real and he is the captain on your team. No matter where you are at, physically and spiritually, he is always there. Don't let anyone tell you that. I know people can say that because I don't go to church that God will turn his back against me, but that isn't true.
ReplyDelete