Sharing My Diary Entry From Today

A little glimpse of what goes through my head on the days I'm in "deep thought."  So tell me what you think about this??

Dear Diary,

It's been a long time since I've last written something... this is the first time that I have written in a digital diary lol.  Anyhow... today's inspiration for writing is the following quote I came across on Twitter:

"The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of
your dreams."

Well... not only is it the biggest adventure, but to me, it is the biggest risk.  I actually think about this a lot.  What is it that I really want out of life?  What is my destiny?  What's my purpose in this world?  How do I achieve my goals?  What are my goals?

In the last year, I have learned a whole lot about myself that I didn't know was there.  Which is kind of scary because I'm sure there is a whole lot more for me to discover about myself.  Apart from being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend... who am I?

I know how to answer these questions, but part of me is afraid of the process.  Earlier this year I started the process... and it was emotionally exhausting.  I found that this process comes with a lot of risk or at least I feel like I risk a lot.  What exactly am I risking?  I have some assumptions, but I am not for certain.  But I guess that's the point of risk.

Song of the day (more like the week b/c I'm a teeny obsessed):  Don't Judge Me by Chris Brown



[Verse 1]
I don't wanna go there
We should never go there
Why you wanna go there
I guess I gotta go there

[Pre-Hook]
You're hearing rumors about me
And you can't stomach the thought
Of someone touching my body
When you so close to my heart
I won't deny what they saying
Because most of it is true
But it was all before I fell for you

[Hook]
So please babe
So please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
Cause it could get ugly
Before it gets beautiful
Please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
And if you love me
Then let it be beautiful
Let it be beautiful, let it be beautiful
Let it be beautiful, let it be beautiful

[Verse 2]
Everything I say right now
Is gonna be use in another fight
And I've been through this so many times
Can we change the subject
You gonna start asking me questions like:
"Was she attractive? Was she an actress?"
Baby the fact is

[Pre-Hook]
You're hearing rumours about me
And saw some pictures online
Saying they got you so angry
Making you wish you were blind
Before we start talking crazy
Saying some things we'll regret
Can we just slow it down and press reset

[Hook]
So please babe
So please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
Cause it could get ugly
Before it gets beautiful
Please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
And if you love me
Then let it be beautiful
Let it be beautiful, let it be beautiful
Let it be beautiful, let it be beautiful

[Bridge]
Just let the past
Just be the past
And focused on things
That are gonna make us laugh
Take me as I am and not who I was
I'll promise I'll be, the one that you can trust

[Hook]
So please babe
So please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
Cause it could get ugly
Before it gets beautiful
Please don't judge me
And I won't judge you
And if you love me
Then let it be beautiful
Let it be beautiful, let it be beautiful
Let it be beautiful, let it be beautiful

I don't wanna go there
We should never go there

-------------------------------

~ Julia

Day3/Day 4 Smoothie Detox Summary

So Days 2 and 3 of this green smoothie business, I made it without "cheating."  For some reason Wednesday (day 3) was sooooo easy for me!  I just did it.  Come Thursday (Day 4) all I could think about was food.  I just wanted to eat something.  All day I was arguing with myself whether to eat or not eat something.  I had my smoothie for breakfast and one for lunch and come dinner time I couldn't take it anymore.... I had to have something that I could chew on!  So I opted for a small salad that had romaine lettuce, a veggie burger, and about 1 tsp of balsamic vinegar salad dressing.  So, although, I didn't have a smoothie, I'm still satisfied because I made a healthy choice.

I would have to say that this experience has taught me a lot about myself.  I really can do anything that I set my mind to (I know, cliche).  This was REALLY hard for me.  But I did (most of) it.  It was a struggle, but for a purpose.  I also trained my mind to focus on what I am eating.  I will now actually think about what I am grabbing to eat versus grabbing the first thing I see, sounds good, or is easy.  Before, I would just think about what I wanted to eat and go ahead and eat it.  Now I know to think about what I am putting into my body and to choose meals/food wisely.  If I could only get my motivation to work out in check!  LOL.  I'm 8 lbs lighter and I find that's a great accomplishment!  I plan on eating healthy and working out to reach my goal of losing 40 more lbs by the end of the summer.

Day 2/Day 3 Smoothie Detox "Experiment"

It's coming near to the end of day 3 for me. I am due my next smoothie at 7 pm,
which I'll make a mixed berry, banana, spinach and coconut water. I am BEYOND
proud of myself. I was able to make it through Day 2 and Day 3 (so far) without
eating anything other than the smoothies.

I believe in one of the overeating posts Jona posted she mentioned to think
about why you eat what you or cook what you cook. Something like that. So
yesterday as I cooked my hubby and mini-me chicken alfredo, that question
lingered in my mind. And i FINALLY figured out why I do this. Overeating
wasn't necessarily something I did on auto-pilot so to speak because I never
took the time to think about why I cook what I cook/eat what I eat. I am the
type of person who loves hard! I love my family and my friends hard, too. 
Being away from them hurts and I just want a part of them with me. I cook the
dishes that remind me of someone I'm missing or remind me of a memory that I
shared with a loved one. Chicken alfredo reminds me of my best friend,
Lashonda, and all the times we shared in college. Every Puerto Rican dish I
cook reminds me of my mother and grandmothers. The way I cook my green beans
reminds me of my Mother-in-Law. Cooking Rosemary Pork reminds me of my BFF-UK,
Chazzie. All of these things are linked to happy times in my life and people
that I miss. Now I just have to figure out how to make myself feel better after
missing these people/memories withOUT food. It's just hard because one of the
things I enjoyed doing with my friends was cooking, trying new foods, and
learning how to cook foods from different cultures. Somehow, someway I will
figure this out.

I am very proud of myself for not eating yesterday! I broke off a little piece
of chocolate from a dark chocolate bar I have and I looked at it. I held it for
a while. I wanted to eat it, but my want to go through with this fast and
overcome this "challenge" (well to me) was greater. So I put the chocolate
away. All day I kept thinking about the cocoa powder covered almonds I have. I
kept fighting with myself, "I just want one," "You don't need one. What's the
point?" Finally I decided that one little piece of chocolate or one little
almond wasn't worth me failing at a goal I'm setting for myself. I'm proud of
myself because I didn't give in to my food temptation (for ONCE!!!). When I
stepped on the scale before I went to the doc's office I was pleasantly
surprised to see that i lost 7 lbs. I can't believe it! I'm half way through
the week and I've lost 7 lbs. Now that I see results, I am definitely motivated
to keep going with this fast and more likely to do this again in the future.

It's not all a pretty picture though. I'm still suffering from headaches here
and there, but they've gotten better. I had been experiencing insomnia, but am
now able to get to bed early and get a good amount of sleep. I also feel fine
when I get out of bed. Before, I used to have to drag myself out of bed and
felt like a zombie. Now when I get up, I'm just ready to go!

Day 1 Smoothie Detox setback...

Yesterday I managed to power through most of my temptation and struggles with learning how to make smoothies.  I survived through my daughter's and husband's brunch, lunch, snack... but then it was time to make dinner.  I am okay with looking at food and not being tempted to eat it.  But when I smelled dinner, the garlic, the onions,etc... I couldn't resist.  I gave in and had about 4 oz of pork steak and 1 serving of green beans.  I made sure to take my time chewing the food so that I could really taste the food and see what I was "missing out" on.  After I was done eating, of course, the guilty feeling settled in along with the reality of not "needing" to eat dinner.  I have to start thinking of food as fuel for the body instead of something that I have to have to "feel" some kind of way.  

Thank goodness for a tomorrow because today is yesterday's tomorrow and I am able to start fresh.  I am hoping to have more will power today and not fall into the trap of eating dinner.  It should be easier today because my husband is at work and my daughter is at school, so I don't have to fight the temptation of eating due to smelling yummy food all day.

Day 1 of Green Smoothie Detox

I woke up late today to find a bunch of mayhem caused by my toddler. By the time I was finished blending my smoothie and got to actually drink it, it was 11 am. So i basically missed breakfast. Luckily for me, I am over the caffeine withdrawal that I'm going through. Actually, I'm not over it. I would love a cup of coffee right now, but I am glad that I went through the withdrawal headache part yesterday.

I decided my "brunch" (more like lunch) smoothie would be a mango, spinach, and coconut water smoothie. It blended out to be a beautiful bright green color. I was afraid to drink it because you hear the combo, and as a person whose diet mostly consists of starches and meats, I'm not used to consuming much green stuff. Especially when it's blended in something you're supposed to drink.

Took my first sip and I was pleasantly surprised. I thought it would be disgusting and I would have to be some type of health nut for this, but nope. It's delicious. I could see myself drinking this even when I'm not on a detox.

For my 2nd smoothie of the day, I chose to use the "green juice" recipe listed in the 30 days of juice document.... It includes kale, spinach, celery, cucumbers and apples. The first issue I came across was that I couldn't fit all of the ingredients into the blender, so I decided to break it down. Well, when I did that, the blender didn't blend the ingredients well. So I decided to move everything to my food processor. It chopped it down quite a bit, but not to the consistency of a smoothie. So, I moved everything to the blender again. It smoothed the stuff some more, but it was still pretty chunky. After many attempts of smoothing it down (adding water), I got frustrated and decided that I would just drink/eat it the way it was. I tried a couple of sips, and decided that there was no way in hell i could drink this! Lol. I'm not sure if I did something wrong... well I'm sure I did something wrong because the consistency was ALL wrong. I can decide whether it was the taste, the consistency, or the combination of both that turned me off from this particular smoothie.

I was so frustrated and tempted to just warm up some leftovers or eat some cereal because it was a lot easier that getting all of the ingredients in the blender again. Somehow, I got my thoughts together and decided that I would just have the same smoothie I had earlier in the day because I liked it.

I do want to try a smoothie with tomatoes in it. But haven't found one that appeals to me. I've always loved fruits a lot more than veggies, so now I'm nervous about how I'm going to do for the rest of the week...

Green Smoothie Detox

It's been a minute since I've posted on this blog. The reason why I've decided to post again is because I've started a green smoothie detox today that will go on for five days. I need to lose weight because over the years, I've stopped looking at myself, stopped caring and let myself go. I'm getting close to the "oh hell no" weight on the scale, so something's gotta give! I haven't weighed myself in several months. When I did weigh myself the other day I was shockingly surprised. Of course, I'm not going to post the weight on here, but once I lose all the weight that I would like, I'll let you know where I started at. I'll be using my blog as a diary to notate all the temptations and triumphs that I've come across during this detox process.

If you don't know, a "Green Smoothie Detox" consists of blending green leafy veggies (ex. spinach, romaine lettuce, kale, etc.) and fruits into a smoothie/juice and substituting it for a meal. You drink/eat the smoothie every 4-6 hours while you're awake and only drink water in addition to the smoothies. There are detoxes that go on for longer periods of time, but I wanted to see if I could complete this short one before I commit to a longer one.

I hear that the first day is the hardest, which it is expected. But that on the second day you get a boost of energy. At the end of my day, I will post a summary of what I drank and how I coped with my day.

Armor of God

Although, the battles are never mine, they're God's, I've learned that I have to prepare myself for these battles by taking certain steps. Now, I haven't always followed these steps, but I do intend to. And I intend on teaching my daughter the same ways. The following Bible passage has always helped me in times that I feel down, helpless or in need of guidance:

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation for the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the work of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints - and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly as I ought to speak. Ephesians 6: 13-20